Friday, December 19, 2008

I started an entry on Wednesday, but I did not think that I had anything to write, so I deleted it, it was only when I got home that I realised that I had plenty to update, so I will update, quickly today as it is my last day for TWO WEEKS! I finish up today for Christmas/New Years and I cant wait!

Last Sunday (14th) I was out shopping for Ella's formula etc and I realised that I wanted her to get a Santa photo at Domayne. She had had one last year and I really wanted her to get one again - as it is a nice timeline to show how much she had grown as she was soooo tiny last year. It was 11:30am when I remembered about the Santa photo and they only went from 10am - 1pm. So I raced back from Kellyville to home to get an outfit for Ella, then raced to Castle Hill. When I got there, there was a big line, but i thought that we would wait. Ella had had a nap in the car on the way there, so I thought she would be OK. She was having a great time in the line, the Wiggles were on and she was busy looking at all the kids. We get to our place in the front of the line and I walk up to give her to Santa, I put her on his knee - she took one look at him and lost it. She sat there and cried her eyes out and started hyperventilating. I took her off his knee and Santa went away and I sat her down on the chair, to no avail - she still cried and she had tears streaming down her face. I told them to do the next photo and we would try again. She calmed down and was happy again until I took her again for the photo and the tears started straight away. So we gave up.

I still had hopes that she could have her photo - there was always Tuesday or the following weekend at Kotara, however on Tuesday i was out shopping with mum and the Myer Santa came up to Ella - she started crying hysterically again straight away. So i have come to the realisation that a Santa photo this year is not going to happen and I need to give it up.

Paris - she went in for her operation on Friday last week. I dropped her off in the early morning and told them of 4 lumps that I knew of, and they shaved the hair in those spots in order to know where they were when they came to operate. They rung me at 4pm to say that they had also found another 2 on her which they had also cut off. They asked whether I wanted all of the lumps sent away for testing. I said that I didnt, because if they were cancer, there was not alot that we could do anyway. So they told me to come and pick Paris up at 6:30pm. She was the last dog to be operated on - nice one. I could have taken her up a long time after I did, and then she would not have had to be sitting in a cage all day. I went to get her at 6:30pm and she had not even woken up yet. She had only been taken off the table at 5:30pm. She tried to wake up, but looked so groggy, she didnt even look at me. She tried to sit up, and her paws kept buckling under her. I asked if it was best to leave her over night - which they agreed. So we went to pick her up the next day, and she was a little sorry for her self. She has 6 different stitches - totalling 39 stitches overall. She has one on her tail, one on either side of her chest and then 2 on one of her back legs (about 10cm long in total) and one on her other back leg. Plus she is shaved on both her front legs for the IV. So for all that we got a bill of $805.00! Thank you Mr Mastercard - that now totals about $2,100 that we have spent on our dogs in a fortnight. Ouch! i am going to dread the next bill coming in.

I have to go as I have heaps of work to do before I leave in an hour - I will fill in next time on the people that love the house and are supposed to be making an offer - even though that was supposed to come on Tuesday and it is Friday now and nothing................ until then.....

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Ella's Party

OK, I am back, and I will update about Ella's party. Still no photos as I cannot get the pics off the camera. I am going to have to go and get a new lead. Once I do that, I will upload some photos.

Ella woke up on Sunday - lets say a GRUMP. She has never been grumpy like that, but I think that she was still tired from her fit the night before. She had a screaming fit for over an hour and finally fell asleep about 9pm from exhaustion. So she woke up not very happy. I left her with Jan and Mat and I went to Woolworths to do the shopping, then to get bread and after that to the party shop to pick up the last of the supplies and to get the balloons. All have been put on CC, so I will be scared when the bill comes in.

When I got back home - about 10:00am - with only 2 hours to go, Ella was asleep, however she did not stay that way for long - and when she woke up she was not happier than when she went to sleep. About 11:30am I tried to put her birthday outfit on and the tears started. Lets say that they continued for the majority of the day on and off, and she would only let Mat or Michael hold her. I tried to put her down for a sleep a couple of times, but she would not go to sleep.

11:30am we get a phone call from Paul and Di, saying that they had put Ellena down for a nap and they would come after that.................. You have got to be joking. Guess what time they arrived 3pm! As the food was coming out. They stayed until about 4:30pm. What a joke and how rude. I wonder what they would say if we turned up to Ellena's birthday party 3 hours late! Not that she had a birthday party.

That was not the only sleep related drama - Pete left to go up to the coast to paint the house - fair enough. Leoni left just after the food and before the cake was even out so that Taj could go and have a nap - what a joke. Ella needed a bloody nap too, but I would not miss the cake at a 1st birthday party. The cake was the centre piece of the whole bloody party.

The jumping castle - it is pretty cool. I am really glad that I bought it. It is good quality and tough (except for the couple of holes in the netting), we put some balls in there as well. I was hoping that Natalija would jump on it and she would bounce Ella around. I did not plan for Ella to be in a bad mood, so any time we put her near the jumping castle she cried and so she did not go on it the whole day. Maybe she will go on it in a couple of months when she is a little bit bigger.

The cake - I will post photos - just got to get the lead for the camera. It was a big success. Everyone was really impressed with it and could not believe that I made it. A little dissappointed that people did not stay around for it though - naming my dad and Tim and Ben - thanks guys really appreciated that - plus they did not say goodbye. Back to the cake - it tasted really nice, however, it did need more icing - I asked the ladies at the shop would I need more mock cream - they assured me that I had enough. Next time I will go with my gut instinct and get more. Better to have more than less.

Ella managed to go to sleep about 6:00pm - but woke up at about 7 or so even more grumpy than before. We were playing the Wii and Evan was about to bowl, Ella goes to crawl at the same time and he must have kicked her over in the process. A lot of tears later and hyperventalating, Ella managed to calm down before going back to bed at 9:30pm.

Our last lot of guests left at 9:30pm - thank god for that. So the party went for 9 1/2 hours. Ella got some nice presents - which she is still having fun with. I am glad that it is over for another year.

Robbie - spoke to her on Tuesday 9th December. She had her 12 week scan and all is good with that. So really excited for her. Looks like I am going to be an aunt in June 2009. Very excited. Thinking about that has made me really think about TTC #2 - I really want to have a baby in 2009 - so I better get started then. I am waiting for AF to arrive and then we will be back into it. I have made an appointment at Hornsby Hospital for Feb 09 (first one they had) and I will go back on the clomid if nothing has happened by then.

Well I better go and finish doing some work before I go home today. One more week at work and then it is Christmas - cant wait. I am really over work at the moment.

Monday, December 8, 2008

The party is over. Thank goodness for that. I am really looking forward to not doing anything for a while and just chilling out and playing with Ella. The party has been run, and a good time was had by all, except for Ella, who woke up in a bad mood and really stayed that way for the majority of the day.

Before I get to the party, it is best to update with the other events that happened before the big party yesterday.

Wednesday night - this seems such a long time ago now. We had a viewer for the house at 6pm. We went out for a walk and let the viewers have a look around. Karen (the agent) called me the next morning to tell me that the people did not have the $$$$$'s. They told her that they liked the house, but they did not think that it was worth the $575,000 that it was on the market for. They thought it was worth maybe $520,000 - $530,000. Karen asked what their budget was, which they replied that it was $520,000 - $530,000. Karen said sorry that $520 - $530K was too low. She said not to worry about people like that, as they dont have the money and they try and tell you that it is not worth what you are asking. Mat has a feeling that they are trying it on, and may come back. If I was Karen, I would have asked him why he believed that it was only worth $520,000 seeing that there is another house around the corner that does not have a pool, no garage, does not have the extra front room and the 3rd bedroom is so small that you can only fit a cot in it and that is on for offers over $520,000 - so what makes our house only worth what they are asking.

Thursday was cake making day. I had decided to make the cakes on Thursday and then I could decorate them on Friday. I got the house clean and put Ella down for a nap...... 3 hours later she woke up and we could go out to the shops and get what we needed to make the cake. We went to French Kitchen, and spent way more than intended, then to the Cake Decorating Shop - I got a little over ambitious and bought a butterfly cookie cutter as I thought that I would make butterfly gingerbread cookies - yeah that didnt happen - maybe another time. Then it was off to Spotlight to get some gingham fabric. Ella decided that she had had enough and started whinging. I gave her the keys to keep her quiet for 5 mins. I ended up leaving with nothing, and when I got back to the car, I got the keys from Ella and tried the remote and it did not work! There was a good amount of drool on it. I shit myself. I could not believe it. I have never had a remote not work before. I paniced for a minute thinking that Ella's bottles were in the car and I may not be able to get in. I tried the lock, I could get in, but then I worried that the car may not start. I tried to start it, praying the whole time. Thank god it started. I was really feeling the pressure of making the cake and that was the last thing that I needed.

I went home and started making the cakes. In the end I had to make 4 cakes. 2 of each of the 9" and 7". The first 7" collapsed as I didnt cook it long enough. All up, I think it took about 4 hours to make all of the cakes. I felt exhausted. Mum said that she would come over the next day to babysite Ella whilst I decorated the cake.

On Friday, luckily Penny had said that she could not make lunch, I started decorating at 9am when mum arrived and did not stop until 2pm! I was exhausted. I was so sick of the cake. I had not finished it, but it was so fiddly. It was not hard, the only thing that I found hard, was the smaller top layer, the fondant did not sit right on one of the sides, it sort of folded a bit on itself and did not look nice and flat, however, the majority was covered up by the balls and spots, plus no one noticed apart from myself. The stripes took a long time, and I thought the best thing to do was to cut them all out and then lay them on the cake, I dont know if this is the best idea, as they dried out too much, and so they crack a bit at the top of the cake. Oh well, you learn. I was so exhausted, plus I had to clean up as Dave (Karen the agents husband) was coming over to look at the place before open home. I swore that next year, Ella can get a store bought cake, but now that I have had a couple of days to think about it, I love the cake, and was very proud of it on Sunday, so I will be aiming higher next year.

Saturday - Ella went to swimming lessons, she has not been in 2 weeks and I think that this weekend will be her last. The instructor asked how old Ella was, which Mat said that she was now 1 - she said that Ella was still too little for a bubble and arm band floaties and so he had to keep doing all of the same crap that we have been doing for two terms. Ella is small and not going to go through a growth spurt in the near future, and there is no point in holding her back. So we will go this week, go around chasing after a rubber toy and we will leave it at that. I dont think that we will bother with lessons next term and we will get a bubble and floaties and get her going at home. Maybe Cathy may take her in the pool a couple of times.

Again we cleaned up for the open home. This time we drove around in the car for 40 mins while we waited for the open home. We came back into the street (however Mat would not drive past the house) a couple of times and we were sure that no one had come to the open home. We decided to go back early and drop Paris back so that we could go to Castle Towers, and when we drove back, there was a car there. Thank goodness for that, with everything that we had to do, I would have been really pissed off if no one had come. I have spoken to the agent today and two people came, not just one, so that is a little better. They both like the house, one of the parties *(the one we saw) they stayed for the whole open home and talked about what plants they would take out etc. The other party had two kids, said it was a little small, and needed to have another living area. They also talked about changing the front room into the main bedroom as they have a big master furniture suite that they want to keep, and they would then change the master bedroom into a lounge room - that I find is really weird, why would you have an ensuite off your lounge room, plus have build in wardrobes. Oh well, each to their own.

I have had enough typing for one day - will come back and update later with more on Ella's party

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Ellas 1st Birthday!!

Today is a happier day than the last couple of days. Really, I never invisaged that this day would come. Silly I know to say that, but I thought about a baby, but I never thought about anything beyond a baby. So her being 1 is a big step and unchartered territory. I guess every stage is unchartered territory for me.

I was driving to work this morning and I was thinking back to this day one year ago and realised how much has changed in our lives, and what I was doing on this day one year ago. Last night I had a bloody better night than what I had a a year ago. My contractions started on 2/12/07 about 8pm at night and they were every 7 minutes and they were sooooo painful from the beginning. It was about 6am when I could not stand them anymore and I went and had a bath to try and see if they would subside - no relief from the bath at all. About 6:30am we called the hospital again saying that the contractions were still 7 mins apart and I was in agony and tired. One of the midwives (who ended up with us when Ella delivered) yelled out to the doctor that I had been contracting all night and it was stupid and I needed to be brought in. So we were told to come in to the hospital for 8am.

So this morning on the way to work I was thinking that I would have been at the hospital by then and they would have just told me that I was going to have a normal birth and not a c/section as I was booked in for, and they probably were about to tell me that i was onyl 1cm dialated after being in pain for 12 hours!

Now at 11am I am trying to think what was happening. I know that I would have had my epidural and I think that Mat had gone off to his old work to say hello to some mates whilst I tried to have a rest while I was not feeling contractions.

So, back to Ella's birthday. What is she doing at the moment. She is crawling and pulling herself up on everything, even if it is not steady enough to take her weight. She does not have any teeth yet. That is everyones big question is whether she has any teeth. She is very cheeky and knows what she should not do, but she laughs and does it anyway. She loves Dora the Explorer and Yo Gabba Gabba and this morning was mesmerized by Hi-5. She says Dadda all the time, has only said Mub once (I took that as a mum) she says Da all the time and points to the dogs. She says Dye (meaning bye) as she waves. She usually waves after we have left somewhere and says "Dye". She points at everything. When I go into her room or pick her up from daycare or mums, she looks at me and points to me and smiles. She is clappping. She has worked out that by clapping a bit harder she can make noises. She likes to hit things together to make noises, everything she picks up gets hit against something to see what noise it will make.

She is a pain in the bum to change both her nappy and clothes. She will lie down only for a second and with squirm and cry if I take more than a second. She loves the bath and is obsessed with water. She will make a bee-line for the back door and she will put her hands in the fish pond and splash in the water. She will also put her hands in and splash in the dogs was bowl. She has also taken to picking dry dog food from a bowl and dropping it into the water bowl. She has put a couple of bits of dog food in her mouth. Yesterday was so cute. She got a piece of dog food from where ever and she offered it to Paris, Paris did not take it, but stayed there looking at Ella, and then she went to put it in her own mouth. Luckily I got it before it went in, but I thought that that was adorable.

Ella is such a happy, easy going baby. I technically cant say baby anymore as she is a toddler now, but she is very happy. She is always smiling and does not cry much. She has a few more tears these days than she used to, but I think that these are more her having a tantrum than being upset. She has the best coloured eyes, so blue, I wish that I had eyes like hers. So many people comment on them. Strangers walk up to us all the time and comment on Ella, it is weird and still quite creepy.

We have another viewer for the house this afternoon - 6pm to be exact, not a good time for a viewer, but we will take Paris out for a walk and we will be out for 1/2 an hour so that will be OK. So when I leave work today I have to go back, clean the house ready for them to come. It is pretty good, I would just like to mop the floors and polish the coffee table, and maybe hoover the bedrooms.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Stella 29/10/01 - 29/11/08

RIP dear Stella. We will miss you.

On Friday afternoon, Mat called me as I was leaving work. He had heard from the vet and the news was not good. They had found on the Xray that Stella lungs were full of blood. They thought that there could be three possibilities for the blood. She could have been poisoned by rat bait, trauma to the chest - a kick from a horse or cow or a tumour on her heart that had ruptured. Mat assured the vet that Stella had not had access to rat bait and she had not been near horses etc and had not suffered trauma like that. They had put a needle in her chest and had drained off some of the blood. They said that if it was a tumour then there was nothing to do for her and she would have to be put down. I went home (crying all the way) and rung the vet.

He gave me three options - taking her home and doing nothing and waiting for her to get worse and then bring her back and put her to sleep. Take her to the Specialist Vet Centre and have an ultrasound done or put her straight to sleep. I was not prepared to do nothing and putting her down straight away was not an option either as I would not put Stella down on a guess. The vet explained that on an xray they could not see the heart and they were only guessing that it was a tumour on her heart.

We took her home on Friday night and Stella was not right. Stella and Paris slept in our room and I lay awake for a couple of hours. I felt physically sick. The thought of having to put Stella down was more than I could cope with. A couple of times in the night I got up and sat with her. A couple of times in the night her breathing was really laboured and I thought about taking her to the vet and putting her down without the ultrasound, but I needed to hang onto a glimmer of hope that she would be OK.

On Saturday afternoon with took her to the Specialist Vet Centre and they did the ultrasound, they rung us to say that there was not a tumour on her heart, however there was a mass in her chest and they would try to put a needle in it under sedation to see what it was. They told us that it would take 45 mins. We went back to the vet 15 mins before they were due to finish the procedure, however, they were another hour before we were called in. We were told that they could not stick a needle in the mass as Stella's pain threshold was not enough and she would keep jumping. They said that the only other alternative was to put her under a general aneasetic and get a needle biopsy. I asked the vet if it was his dog what would he do? He said that he would put her under a general and see what it was. If it was a blood clot they could drain it, and if it was cancer they would be able to give her chemo. I asked how much it was (we had already spend over $600.00 on the ultrasound) and it was another $1,150.00 on top, which the money does not matter, but we may put Stella through all this pain and the outcome is the same. The vets assistant told me that both her and the vet thought that 99% that it was cancer and if it wasnt cancer and wasnt a blood clot, she would need an operation and being in her chest it was a major operation and she probably would not survive. If it was cancer, then the chemo would only bide her a bit more time. They said that if we did not do anything then we would need to put her down as she was really sick.

It was 5pm by this time and Ella was really crying. Mat kept walking in an out with her, and I made the decision that it was kinder to let her go. Mat did not want to say goodbye to Stella as he could not cope and he went down and sat in the car. They brought Stella out - who was her mad usual self, which makes it ten times worse. It is so hard to fathom that she was a sick as she was when she seems pretty normal. We went into a room and Stella would not listen to me, all I wanted was to hug her and tell her that we all loved her and that we were sorry. All Stella did was keep pulling to get out of the room so that we could go. The vets came back in and by this time I had gotten Stella to lay down with her head in my lap and I just stroked her while they put the stuff into her. She was gone so quickly. I buried my head in her face and just cried. I sat with her for a few minutes while the vets went to get a body bag. I went down to the car and Ella thankfully had gone to sleep and Mat was crying his eyes out.

We took Stella to my parents house and buried her under the tree in the front paddock. I helped Mat dig the hole and I am suffering for it today. Every inch of my body aches.

Yesterday I felt OK. Unless someone talked about it I felt OK. I felt a small amount of relief that it had been done and I did not have to worry about it anymore, however, today I feel like it has hit me like a tonne of bricks. I am in tears ( I am writing this at work and that has not stopped the tears flowing) I feel like I am close to tears all of the time and that my body has crashed. I am run down. My glands are swollen, my throat is sore. I have a temperature today and every inch of my body aches. I feel like curling up into a ball. I know you probably should not get this upset over a dog, but as I tried to explain to the vet, this dog meant everything to us. We have worked out that she cost us about $14,000 in her life time in vet expenses only. I would pay double and I would have paid anything to keep her alive.

We love you Stella, Mat loves you, Paris loves you more than you will ever know and Ella loves you too.


The house - well the open home was a bit of a waste of time. We were told to expect a big turn out and we cleaned the house from 8am to 12:45pm. It looked great. It was nice weather (it was crappy in the morning but was sunny for the open home) and how many people showed up. BLOODY ONE PERSON! How shit was that. I suppose it is better than none, but one is pretty crappy.